My representation of life. What I thought about life. What I felt about life. It all began to fade. Yeah it all did.
All those that died during the sabort war. All those kids, I pulled bullet through their skulls. All those kids I watched their brain explode. It burnt deep into my Nerves. I felt all this loyalty was just shit. I felt this uniform I had on was a means of getting me tied down to evil doing. But I was close to not going back. Leading the troops to the west meant no going back. Definitely I was going to end my life after this.
Killing other kids made me feel like my kids would soon get behind guns, grinning in pain.
"2 Kilometers more I whispered to the soldiers." I picked up the maps and I communicated to every one on the long bench. The truck loading us like basket of rotten tomatoes went into a hole and we all were displaced.
I saw the fear in their eyes. Everyone of them. Their heart spoke to me, I heard the voice on their faces. "Are we going to kill those kids again." Their faces had said.
I communicated to the driver and I confirmed we were on the right path.
I griddled my gun, the frown on my face was a reflection of what I felt deep down. Condemnation.
"Ready." I said aloud, grinning my fist into my palm. My gun hanging on me as I gave orders. This was going to be the last. We were trained to defend the nations not make mothers cry. I heard the noise from the village and I felt we were here to break homes once again. Here to cut off offsprings again. Here to take away father's hope again.
I jumped down from the truck that conveyed us and I tried to do a quick count when Sagie forwarded me the radio. It was a message from the camp. They said the mission was off and we all should return to the base. They heard it all and I wasn't going to tell them again.
Like it was the end, my ears picked up sounds of choppers in the air. I knew what it was. It was an ambush.
What I heard next was a blast. The truck was blowing up and I felt a part of my skin had been pulled out. It all went dark and my soul went down deep into the earth.
I felt the heat and it was like I was in between hell.
I heard the sounds of birds chirping, that convinced me. I knew I was close to life.
I opened up my eyes and I saw a small boy leaning over me. The look on his face showed pain and poverty. One of the boys they had wanted us to kill. I struggled to stand but it was close to impossible. If I moved an hitch my Intestine will rush out the hole on my side.
The 12 years old boy was with my gun. "Dey are arll death." He managed to communicate. If he had known we came to kill him, he would have shot me right away.
He held the gun pointed at me and I watched his hand locate the trigger. "Ah will save your. Prumise u will ceesh meh aw to shutu" I nodded in agreement and I watched him walk away. He returned after 5hours with three men, I was close to death. Struggling not to breath too hard. I had tried all my best to stop blood flow.
A wooden stretcher, a knives and a burning torch and a wooden box was what they came with. They were ready to save my life on that very spot. That kid must have told them I was close to death. He saved my life. Then I realised that Even the killer at times needs a saviour. Most saviours are not who we expect them to be.